College students have many opportunities to meet new friends and develop enriching relationships. Such relationships can make the difference between a positive and negative college experience. It is important to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships, and to know how to make choices to preserve the former and improve the latter.

Some Hallmarks of a Healthy Relationship

Mutual respect and civility


A sense of reciprocity, or "give and take"


Feeling supported and supporting the other


A significant degree of trust and honesty


Fairness and equality as adults


Comfort with emotional intimacy or closeness


Comfort with distance and "separateness", or being able to have your own life apart from the other


Open, direct communication without fear of reprisal, hidden agendas, or manipulation


Good "boundaries", or being able to set personal limits with self and others

But if you are in an unhealthy relationship:

ˇYou care for and focus on another person only and neglect yourself or you focus only on yourself and neglect the other person.

ˇYou feel pressure to change to meet the other person's standards, you are afraid to disagree, and your ideas or criticized. Or, you pressure the other person to meet your standards and criticize his/her ideas.

ˇOne of you has to justify what you do, where you go, and who you see.

ˇOne of you makes all the decisions and controls everything without listening to the other's input.

ˇOne of you feels unheard and is unable to communicate what you want.

ˇYou lie to each other and find yourself making excuses for the other person.

ˇYou don't have any personal space and have to share everything with the other person.

ˇYour partner keeps his/her sexual history a secret or hides a sexually transmitted infection from you or you do not disclose your history to your partner.

ˇYou feel scared of asking your partner to use protection or s/he has refused your requests for safer sex. Or, you refuse to use safer sex methods after your partner has requested or you make your partner feel scared.

While no relationship is perfect and we all have bad days, students should be able to evaluate their relationships and feel, on the whole, that they are positive and healthy. If they are less than healthy, steps should be taken to improve them. Such steps involve assertiveness and listening.

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